The Shining EyeshieldYakitate
by Glacrwlf
Summary: What happens when the Devil Bats get stuck in a shallow parody of the Shining? Someone goes crazy? Who you ask? ISN'T IT OBVIOUS! Featruing some Yakitate! Ja-Pan characters in part of a larger project. Please read & review


**The Shi-ning (A parody fanfiction of "The Shining" with Eyeshield 21 & Yakitate! Ja-Pan characters) - By Lorenz Arriola**

**NOTE: "THE SHINING", "EYESHIELD 21", AND "YAKITATE! JA-PAN" WERE CREATED BY STANLEY KUBRICK, RIICHIRO INAGAKI/YUSUKE MURATA, & TAKASHI HASHIGUCHI RESPECTIVELY. ALSO, THE MAIN INSPIRATION IS NOT THE ORIGINAL "SHINING", BUT RATHER "THE SHNNING" FROM THE FIFTH "TREEHOUSE OF HORROR" EPISODE OF "THE SIMPSONS" WHICH IS THE PROPERTY OF MATT GROENING. NOW WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY...**

Cut to the Matsushiro Hotel, where the Devil Bats, inside Doboroku's pickup truck, are driving towards it.

MONDAY

Sena: I can't believe all of us were chosen to work as the caretakers for this hotel!

Monta: I can't believe this truck still works!

Taki: I can't believe it's not butter! (Crickets chirp) A-ha-ha! But seriously, back to the show.

Sena: Taki, you've got the keys right?

Taki: Yes.

Sena: Did you remember to lock the club's door?

Taki: ...CRAP!

TUESDAY

Taki: Well, we're gonna be late, but at least I locked the club's front door!

Monta: What about the back door?

Taki: CRAP!

WEDNESDAY

Taki: You tricked me! There was no back door!

Mamori: We left Ishimaru back at the gas station! (Everyone is silent) ...What about Ishimaru?

They finally arrive at the front doors, and out comes Ken Matsushiro with Tsukino Azusawaga.

Ken: Ah, the new caretakers for my lodge are here. Are the preparations ready?

Tsukino: (Seeing people load boxes of guns and sugarless gum into a truck, then driving away) All clear. (Hiruma shivers)

Mamori: Hiruma?

Hiruma: I'm just cold, fucking manager. That's all.

Mamori: Hiruma...

As they enter, Ken tells them the lodge's history.

Ken: This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was build on an ancient Indian burial ground and was the setting of satanic rituals, witch-burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials.

Hiruma: (Snickers) Seems like my kind of place.

Ken: (Opens the elevator, and a river of blood comes out of it) Hmm. That's odd. Usually the blood gets off the second floor.

Later, at a hedge maze, which Kyousuke Kawachi is tending to, Sena and Monta cut right through it.

Sena: Monta, I don't think we should be-

Monta: Hey freckles, I found a shortcut!

Kawachi: What was that?! I'm gonna- 'No, go easy on them. The spiky one's gonna go crazy and turn them all into sushi!"

Sena: Hiruma's gonna what?!

Kawachi: How did you hear that?! ...You... You've got the Shi-ning!*

*NOTE = "Shi" in Japanese can mean "Death".

Monta: Isn't it the "Shining?"

Kawachi: Damn it, man! Don't say that word! Who knows who might hear?!

Sena: Lawyers?

Kawachi: Get outta my head, GET OUTTA MY HEAD!

Sena: I wasn't reading your mind at the time.

Kawachi: Oh, okay. Listen kid; If Spiky goes nuts, use your power, and I'll be there! But not during 4 & 5! That's MY time!

Meanwhile, the final shipment of Yakuza guns and sugarless gum is being transported away.

Ken: Yes, by taking away all the guns here and all the gum, we can except some honest work out of these people!

Tsukino: But Manager, considering the fact that... Hiruma, was it? Loves guns and sugar-free gum, wouldn't this actually cause ANOTHER streak of murders?

Ken: Hmm... Tell you what. If we come back and everyone's dead, then I owe you a Coke. (They leave)

Hiruma: (Chewing his last stick of gum) ...Hmm, no more gum. I'll get some more from the vending machine. (Sees that all the vending machines are out of sugarless gum) Tch. Even a fly wouldn't chew sugary gum...! I guess I'll do some target practice. (Goes to the shooting gallery only to find no guns or ammo) ...Tch.

Kurita: Hiruma, I'm impressed! You're taking this very well.

Hiruma: I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!

Mamori: Hiruma!

Hiruma: ...Don't worry. I can still do things that can keep me occupied. ...Maybe I'll go check out that ax collection... (Walks away, snickering with increasing volume and craziness)

Sena: Mamori... Is Hiruma gonna kill us?

Mamori: I'll be honest with you Sena. ...I've never put it past him.

Hiruma sits in a deserted bar...

Musashi: (Acting as a bartender) What'll it be Hiruma?

Hiruma: Fucking old man? Why are you a bartender?

Musashi: Because the author wanted to include at least every significant Devil Bat in here.

Hiruma: Even the track star?

Musashi: Say what you will, but at least he's not Satake or Yamaoka, or even Omosadake.

Hiruma: Damn right... Gimme some gum.

Musashi: Remember Hiruma, this is a bar.

Hiruma: Che, how much?

Musashi: Oh, about everyone else's blood should do it.

Hiruma: ...What.

Musashi: You heard me. Kill everyone else here and I'll give you some gum.

Hiruma: Why should I do that?

Musashi: Come on, they'll like being dead.

Hiruma: That's what they said about being alive.

Musashi: (Grabs Hiruma) Look, just waste your team, and I'll give you the gum!

Later...

Mamori: Has anyone seen Hiruma?

Togano: Does anyone WANT to see that guy?

Jumonji: After what he said?

Kuroki: I don't wanna even THINK of him!

Mamori: ...(A door creaks open) Eh? (Enters the room) ...Hiruma? Hiruma...? (Sees a typewriter) This... It can't be...? (Sees the text) "Feeling fine." (Sighs) Thank goodness. (The lightning flashes and reveals several signs saying "No weapons and no gum makes Hiruma go crazy") ...This is LESS encouraging.

Hiruma: (Kicks the door open) HELLO! (Mamori shrieks in horror) So what do you think, fucking manager? All I need is a title... I was thinking along the lines of "No weapons and no gum makes Hiruma..." Something, something.

Mamori: (With fear) Go crazy...?

Hiruma: DON'T MIND IF I DO! (Hiruma makes a stream of insane noises and faces, then sprints after Mamori, who runs while screaming)

Mamori: (Gets a bat from an emergency cage labeled "IN CASE OF QUARTERBACK INSANITY BREAK GLASS") Stay AWAY from me, Hiruma!

Hiruma: Gimme the bat, fucking manager! Gimme the bat... Come on! Gimme the bat! Come on now, gimme the bat! KEKEKE, wuss! (Makes a crazy face, then looks in the mirror. He screams and faints from his shock)

Mamori: (Puts him inside a library) You stay here until you're no longer insane! ...Hmm, haven't tried "Moby Dick" before...

When Hiruma wakes up, he is reading several Eyeshield 21 graphic novels.  
Hiruma: Are my ears really THAT big?

Musashi: (Knocks on the door) Hiruma, it's Musashi. Listen, some of the ghouls and I are a little concerned that the project isn't moving forward.

Hiruma: Can't murder now; reading.

Musashi: Oh for God's sake. (Drags him out with some other monsters)

Hiruma: NOOOO!

The Devil Bats are eating dinner, when suddenly...

Hiruma: (Breaks down a door) Here's Johnny! (No one is there) FUCK! (Breaks down a door) Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!

Ishimaru: Actually, it's Thursday.

Hiruma: FUCK! (Breaks down the dining room door) There's English bread, German bread, and French bread, but Japan's bread, Ja-Pan, does not exist! In that case, there's no choice to but to create it! This story is a serious, biographical ballad of a boy who possesses Solar Hands, Kazuma Azuma, who will create a Japanese bread made by and for the Japanese people, which can be presented to the world proudly! (The Devil Bats scream and run)

During the chase, they can be seen attempting to call help through a radio.

Sena: Hello, anyone? My name is Sena Kobayakawa. My friend Hiruma is on a murderous rampage! Over.

Makoto Otowara: ...Oh thank God it's over. I was worried there for a second.

Yukimitsu: ...Is no one on the line?

Taki: OUR ASSES ARE!

Sena: Don't worry, I can use my "Shi-ning" to contact Kawachi.

Monta: How do you know his name...?

Kawachi is at his house, when he hears Sena's thoughts.

Kawachi: Uh-oh! Those grade school boys and their friends are in trouble! (Runs off to the lodge, and bursts through the door) Alright Spiky! Show me what you've got! (Hiruma drives an ax into his back) Is that all you've got? (Falls down dead, while a small package falls out of his pocket)

Mamori: I think it was all he needed. (Hiruma walks towards them, while Sena notices the contents of an open closet)

Sena: Hiruma! Look! Firearms! (Hiruma pauses and is stunned)

Hiruma: ...My... My babies... (Holding them in his arms) How I missed you so much. ...I was once a vengeful mad genius bent on killing you all... (They sigh) BUT NOW I'M A VENGEFUL MAD GENIUS BENT ON KILLING YOU ALL WITH FIREARMS! YA-HA! (They scream and run while Hiruma shoots the place up)

Monta: Nice going, Sena! Now you've made it worse!

Sena: I thought they would snap him back into reality! ...Wait! (Goes back to Kawachi's corpse)

Monta: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

Mamori: You're gonna die!

Hiruma: KEKEKEKE! Want some of this?! (Sena dodges him with a Devil Bat Ghost) Fuck, I forgot he could do that.

Sena: Hiruma, look for real! (Picks up the package from Kawachi's pocket) Gum!

Hiruma: ...Is it sugar-free?

Sena: I can't tell, the blood is obscuring some of the text. Just try it. (Hiruma takes stick and chews it)

Hiruma: ...Yup it is. (Sena breathes a BIG sigh of relief) Urge to kill fading... Fading... Fading... RISING! Fading... Fading... Gone. (Everyone sighs enormously in relief) I'm gonna go hit the sack. Later.

The next day...

Ken: (Sees that only Kawachi's dead) Well, the bet was based on if EVERYONE died. (Tosses Tsukino a coke) Here.

Tsukino: (Tries to grab it) So cold...!

Ken: Ah, Hiruma! Here's your check! (Hands Hiruma his check)

Hiruma: Am I reading this right, fucking afro? ...There's MORE checks for everyone else, right?

Ken: No, that's the total amount for all of you. (Hiruma is silent)

Sena: Hiruma...?

Hiruma: Urge to kill rising.

END


End file.
